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Mail: the(at)icebear.dk

27. April 2006

Heh, yes this site was abandoned long ago. It was an effect of several things. First it was my final project and the writing I was doing next to it. Then I realized my life was just fine without writing about it online. In effect everyone I kept in contact with via this site had moved over to be on my IM buddy lists or was one of my regular email penpals. I decided that all I really needed out of this site was the email address and the storage space which I've used several time to shunt documents to friends with small inboxes and the like. I mentioned once a game engine, but we ended up not working at the same paces and so that project fell through. In the end that was fine because a few months after I got my Engineering degree (wheeee I am a Bachelor of Science, Electrical Engineering (Information Technology speciality)) I ended up with a job with the guys I consulted for during my time at the University. It was a lot of work. I loved my co-workers but it was a temporary contract and so I never settled in and that gave me stress. Stress I've learned over the years kills my creativity and I've written only crap since then.

Still my time at EUC Syd (my employer) was great, teaching me a lot about other things than just creating software and took me on my first working assignment out of the country. I spent a week working in Belgium for a project partner. All around I think I'll miss that place for years to come especially as my contract ran out the 31st December 2005. Personally a lot has changed as well with me, first of all my health kept getting worse until I finally after concealing it for 14 years got the infections in my toes removed. I can't explain why I hid it for so long, it was irrational, but I finally defeated my fear of doctors and I can now walk without pain for the first time since I was a teenager.

Since my contract ran out, I've been stressing myself out trying to find new employment, which is uncommonly hard in my region. It is a damnable problem. Everywhere they claim they need more Engineers but seemingly it doesn't apply to my home town. I could apply to a job in any of the bigger cities in Denmark and I bet I would find a job within a month, but I have my family and friends here in Sønderborg. My sister moved away a while back and she is coming back now. I'd feel so stupid having to move away to get a job, knowing that my heart, my roots and everything that is important in life (and it isn't work I can tell you) is here.

So what else is making my heart beat these days. Well of course there is writing but I have the classical Mikael issues of too many ideas, too much time and not enough willpower. I want to write, it is burning through me, it would be so stupid not to use the time I have now to not write. Yet I keep stopping and going back to make new stories because I grow dissatisfied with my stories within a few days. I have this gigantic project called Chimera, which I swear I want to write, but my mind keeps getting in the way or just plain distracted. I am annoyed with myself. I have an educated guess why I ain't writing though. I am distracted. I like to have everything in order and out of my mind before I can write. But as I am unemployed there is constantly applications to fill out, job websites to read and search through, call to make and the entire issue of money gnawing at me. I'd really wish I was just independently wealthy and able to live out my life working on the projects I'd like. Then I'd write both stories and software just to do it. Ah, well, wishful thinking will get me exactly nowhere and I have things to do today. I have an ant infestation at my front door, I need to wash the floor and soon I'll have to mow the front and back lawns. Oh, right :) I've moved... well about 100 meters from my old home to a small rented one-story building so now I have lawns, weeds and other stuff to deal with as well... But I love my new home nonetheless.

Note I might write soon I might not. This site is mainly my storage and webhotel. Anything else here is incidental ;)